There was a cache I found In Willimantic (En Passant, GC43X4Z) on a cold day with no one around in the park. That inspired the following log:
Wasn't planning on doing a Les Mis parody but, considering the immediate area of the cache today, this made sense. Thanks for the cache!
Here's the one cache that I did find
Yes, this log goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Everyone's got up and gone
Here they talked of maybe castling
Here it was they checked the king
Here they thought about some gambits
But the checkmate never came.
From the table in the corner
They could find a cache nearby
Muggles played while never knowing
I can see them now!
The very pawns that they gave up
Betrayed their strong position
On the chessboard where they played...
At dawn.
Oh my friends, my friends, I found it
Easier now that you've gone
Where it is, that can't be spoken
Your hunt must go on and on
Phantom voices in the wind blow
Phantom shadows on the greens
Empty chairs at empty tables
No more knights, bishops or queens
Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
It's checkmate, you'll play no more...
Saturday, January 26, 2013
I couldn't find it. U2?
This is for a cache (GC449RD - Empty Spaces - Pink Floyd #3) which many people found difficult to find until some data was corrected:
OK, I'm a few days behind on logging these. Bet I'm still faster than SiNwYrM :) So, after meeting a few people at the Winter Meetup (#1), MessSGT, JoesDolphins, SiNwYrM and I set off to look for some caches. I left the cursed walking stick behind but I may as well have brought it as I had awful luck today.
Oh, this cache! Wanting to get the FTF, Team US set off early to reach this cache in particular. On the way, the Thompy team told us they couldn't find it. We found some of the other caches along the way before arriving here to see Team Thompy already here for a 2nd shot. We searched for a LONG time. Ken and Jeanne came along and joined in. There were at least 10 of us climbing the rocks. This would have been quite a sight for a muggle. We eventually gave up and sought the other caches on the trail.
After finishing up the "other side" series, we started walking down Springfield Rd as we didn't park on each end. We then cut across Old County Rd., about a one-mile walk from the trailhead, in order to redeem our DNF. While we were walking along Springfield, we were notified of the new coords. We knew there was no shot at FTFing it now but since they were new coords, we wouldn't have had FTF if the correct ones had been posted at publishing so, no harm. We made the hike over and found it very quickly, especially compared to our previous search for PF #3. Thanks for the cache!
~~~~~~
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run up the trail
Trying to FTF
Trying to FTF
I have slid
I have crawled
I have scaled this rocky wall
This rocky wall
Trying to FTF
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have reached in these gaps
Kept relying on the terrain map
Checking every op'ning
I just kept on hoping
I have searched with the best of cachers
But this cache, well, it was a devil
No, I found no delight
"DNF it," I moan
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
Hours later, got new coords
We had to hike back up Old County Rd.
Old County Rd.
But yes I'm still hunting
When we arrived
And we looked around
It wasn't long
'til 'twas found
'til twas found
But can't FTF it
But I finally found what I'm looking for
But I finally found what I'm looking for
But I finally found what I'm looking for
OK, I'm a few days behind on logging these. Bet I'm still faster than SiNwYrM :) So, after meeting a few people at the Winter Meetup (#1), MessSGT, JoesDolphins, SiNwYrM and I set off to look for some caches. I left the cursed walking stick behind but I may as well have brought it as I had awful luck today.
Oh, this cache! Wanting to get the FTF, Team US set off early to reach this cache in particular. On the way, the Thompy team told us they couldn't find it. We found some of the other caches along the way before arriving here to see Team Thompy already here for a 2nd shot. We searched for a LONG time. Ken and Jeanne came along and joined in. There were at least 10 of us climbing the rocks. This would have been quite a sight for a muggle. We eventually gave up and sought the other caches on the trail.
After finishing up the "other side" series, we started walking down Springfield Rd as we didn't park on each end. We then cut across Old County Rd., about a one-mile walk from the trailhead, in order to redeem our DNF. While we were walking along Springfield, we were notified of the new coords. We knew there was no shot at FTFing it now but since they were new coords, we wouldn't have had FTF if the correct ones had been posted at publishing so, no harm. We made the hike over and found it very quickly, especially compared to our previous search for PF #3. Thanks for the cache!
~~~~~~
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run up the trail
Trying to FTF
Trying to FTF
I have slid
I have crawled
I have scaled this rocky wall
This rocky wall
Trying to FTF
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have reached in these gaps
Kept relying on the terrain map
Checking every op'ning
I just kept on hoping
I have searched with the best of cachers
But this cache, well, it was a devil
No, I found no delight
"DNF it," I moan
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
Hours later, got new coords
We had to hike back up Old County Rd.
Old County Rd.
But yes I'm still hunting
When we arrived
And we looked around
It wasn't long
'til 'twas found
'til twas found
But can't FTF it
But I finally found what I'm looking for
But I finally found what I'm looking for
But I finally found what I'm looking for
From an early morning event in Somers, CT in mid-January:
Adapted from "Lovely Ladies" from my favorite musical
(considering the original lyrics, I was surprised I could use it for a log)
----
I see cachers, see them everywhere
Think I'll meet the newbie in that corner over there
All these cachers, who the heck's that bloke
Parking sure is limited, the lot here is a joke
Road rage may just make you want to choke!
All these cachers
Waiting for a bite
Cup of Dunkin coffee and
a cookie sounds alright
All these cachers
They're having a ball
They would cache in winter, spring
Or summer or the fall
Weather doesn't matter here at all
All these cachers came here on a lark
Ready for a big cache or a quick cache in the park
Long time short time Any time, my dear
Doesn't cost you nothing if you want to take all year!
Just make sure you have your caching gear!
See this cacher! Fastest on the street
Wasn't there three seconds She was signing on the sheet
Hey, new cacher! What yer waiting for?
Doesn't take a lot of savvy, It's not rated four
Come on, newbie, what's your Garmin for?
Give me the dirt, who's that noob over there?
Says he's SiNwYrM, thinks his skills are just fair
He's rarely out, tries to cache when he can
Look at that beard! Is he beast or a man?
Come on, newbie, come along and join us!
Come on, newbie!
Come on cachers, why look so blue?
The FTF was not meant for you
Cache you need is at the bottom of the heap
When you get near, your GPS will beep!
That's right, newbie, find one in the lot
That's right, newbie, show him what you've got!
Micros, nanos, take 'em as they come
Ammo cans and locks-n-locks and even some fake gum
Small ones, large ones, all across the land
Some of these adventures can be arduous and grand
All it takes is co-ords in your hand!
All these cachers, you just can't go wrong
Got a lot to find here so they never stay for long
Come on, rookie, you can wear a vest
Blaze orange in here for safety surely would be best
Easy cache here, it's an LPC
Just as well since all of them will count as a smiley
Hope you know to make sure you have extra batteries!
Adapted from "Lovely Ladies" from my favorite musical
(considering the original lyrics, I was surprised I could use it for a log)
----
I see cachers, see them everywhere
Think I'll meet the newbie in that corner over there
All these cachers, who the heck's that bloke
Parking sure is limited, the lot here is a joke
Road rage may just make you want to choke!
All these cachers
Waiting for a bite
Cup of Dunkin coffee and
a cookie sounds alright
All these cachers
They're having a ball
They would cache in winter, spring
Or summer or the fall
Weather doesn't matter here at all
All these cachers came here on a lark
Ready for a big cache or a quick cache in the park
Long time short time Any time, my dear
Doesn't cost you nothing if you want to take all year!
Just make sure you have your caching gear!
See this cacher! Fastest on the street
Wasn't there three seconds She was signing on the sheet
Hey, new cacher! What yer waiting for?
Doesn't take a lot of savvy, It's not rated four
Come on, newbie, what's your Garmin for?
Give me the dirt, who's that noob over there?
Says he's SiNwYrM, thinks his skills are just fair
He's rarely out, tries to cache when he can
Look at that beard! Is he beast or a man?
Come on, newbie, come along and join us!
Come on, newbie!
Come on cachers, why look so blue?
The FTF was not meant for you
Cache you need is at the bottom of the heap
When you get near, your GPS will beep!
That's right, newbie, find one in the lot
That's right, newbie, show him what you've got!
Micros, nanos, take 'em as they come
Ammo cans and locks-n-locks and even some fake gum
Small ones, large ones, all across the land
Some of these adventures can be arduous and grand
All it takes is co-ords in your hand!
All these cachers, you just can't go wrong
Got a lot to find here so they never stay for long
Come on, rookie, you can wear a vest
Blaze orange in here for safety surely would be best
Easy cache here, it's an LPC
Just as well since all of them will count as a smiley
Hope you know to make sure you have extra batteries!
Beggars at the Feast
Attended an event at Farrell's Restaurant in Portland, CT in January. Here's the log parody:
Cachers at the feast - (See Beggars at the Feast from Les Miserables)
I did attend this meet and greet
Chatting away with caching elite
He's found 10K, this one's found 2
This one's a noob but what can you do
In 500 feet, a cache in the dust
And with so much help, well, find it you must
Cache is at your feet, do a drunken dance
Try to find a pen that got lost in your pants
Everywhere you go are cache-finding folk
They will say a DNF's no laughing joke
Going out on trails on Sundays, writing up field notes to send
Yes, they're the ones to find them, cache along the trail from start to end
Watch the pointer bounce, lead you to and fro
Use your geosense and you'll know where to go
Trail or park and grab, we'll go anywhere
Except for the LPCs, we won't go there
We know where the cache is hiding but we're not allowed to tell
And when we're out of batt'ries, won't it feel like we're in caching hell?
Cachers at the feast - (See Beggars at the Feast from Les Miserables)
I did attend this meet and greet
Chatting away with caching elite
He's found 10K, this one's found 2
This one's a noob but what can you do
In 500 feet, a cache in the dust
And with so much help, well, find it you must
Cache is at your feet, do a drunken dance
Try to find a pen that got lost in your pants
Everywhere you go are cache-finding folk
They will say a DNF's no laughing joke
Going out on trails on Sundays, writing up field notes to send
Yes, they're the ones to find them, cache along the trail from start to end
Watch the pointer bounce, lead you to and fro
Use your geosense and you'll know where to go
Trail or park and grab, we'll go anywhere
Except for the LPCs, we won't go there
We know where the cache is hiding but we're not allowed to tell
And when we're out of batt'ries, won't it feel like we're in caching hell?
One Day More
From an event held on 12-30-2012 at the 99 in Torrington:
VALJEAN
One cache more!
Another day, another event cache.
Another end-of-the-year mealtime bash;
And surely it is not a crime
To go caching another time.
One cache more!
MARIUS
I had not been here 'til today.
I signed the log before departing.
VALJEAN
One cache more.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow I'll be miles away
And soon another year is starting!
EPONINE
I arrived here on my own.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Kim stayed home back in our den
EPONINE
Love of caching she's not sharing.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Doesn't want to go with you.
EPONINE
What a meal we might have known.
MARIUS & COSETTE
She had other things to do!
EPONINE
So we never saw Kim there!
ENJOLRAS
One more cache after the storm!
MARIUS
Do I follow where they go?
ENJOLRAS
At the 99 - Torrington.
MARIUS
Shall I join the cachers there?
ENJOLRAS
When our meals begin to form
MARIUS
Do I stay and do I dare?
ENJOLRAS
Will you eat a brunch with me?
ALL
The time is now, the food is here!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
JAVERT
One more cache in 2012 now,
One more 'fore the year is done!
I will join these awesome cachers,
Where we'll eat and have some fun!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
M. & MME. THENARDIER
Watch 'em run around,
Watch 'em as they fall,
Never know the ground
After a huge snowfall,
Here a little `slip'
There a little `slide'
Most of them are cachers
They will find that hide!
Students (2 Groups)
1: One cache as the year is ending
2: Raise the log of signees high!
1: Every man feels like a king
2: Every man feels like a king
1: There's a new cache likely pending
2: An FTF to be won
ALL
Do you hear the cachers sing?
MARIUS
The cache is here, I search with you!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
MARIUS & COSETTE
I had not been here 'til today.
EPONINE
I arrived here on my own!
MARIUS & COSETTE
I signed the log before departing
JAVERT(overlapping)
I will join these people's cache hunts
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little ---- Secrets,
I will know the things they ------ know.
VALJEAN
One cache more!
MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow I'll be miles away
EPONINE
What a meal we might have known!
MARIUS & COSETTE
And soon another year is starting
JAVERT(overlapping)
One more cache in 2012 now
One more 'fore the year is done
We'll be ready for these caches
THENARDIERS(overlapping)
Watch 'em run around
Watch 'em as they fall
Never know your ground
After a huge snowfall!
VALJEAN
Tomorrow we'll be far away,
Tomorrow is a caching day
ALL
Tomorrow we'll discover
What CT Reviewer has in store!
One more dawn
One more cache
One cache more!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
Another day, another event cache.
Another end-of-the-year mealtime bash;
And surely it is not a crime
To go caching another time.
One cache more!
MARIUS
I had not been here 'til today.
I signed the log before departing.
VALJEAN
One cache more.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow I'll be miles away
And soon another year is starting!
EPONINE
I arrived here on my own.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Kim stayed home back in our den
EPONINE
Love of caching she's not sharing.
MARIUS & COSETTE
Doesn't want to go with you.
EPONINE
What a meal we might have known.
MARIUS & COSETTE
She had other things to do!
EPONINE
So we never saw Kim there!
ENJOLRAS
One more cache after the storm!
MARIUS
Do I follow where they go?
ENJOLRAS
At the 99 - Torrington.
MARIUS
Shall I join the cachers there?
ENJOLRAS
When our meals begin to form
MARIUS
Do I stay and do I dare?
ENJOLRAS
Will you eat a brunch with me?
ALL
The time is now, the food is here!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
JAVERT
One more cache in 2012 now,
One more 'fore the year is done!
I will join these awesome cachers,
Where we'll eat and have some fun!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
M. & MME. THENARDIER
Watch 'em run around,
Watch 'em as they fall,
Never know the ground
After a huge snowfall,
Here a little `slip'
There a little `slide'
Most of them are cachers
They will find that hide!
Students (2 Groups)
1: One cache as the year is ending
2: Raise the log of signees high!
1: Every man feels like a king
2: Every man feels like a king
1: There's a new cache likely pending
2: An FTF to be won
ALL
Do you hear the cachers sing?
MARIUS
The cache is here, I search with you!
VALJEAN
One cache more!
MARIUS & COSETTE
I had not been here 'til today.
EPONINE
I arrived here on my own!
MARIUS & COSETTE
I signed the log before departing
JAVERT(overlapping)
I will join these people's cache hunts
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little ---- Secrets,
I will know the things they ------ know.
VALJEAN
One cache more!
MARIUS & COSETTE
Tomorrow I'll be miles away
EPONINE
What a meal we might have known!
MARIUS & COSETTE
And soon another year is starting
JAVERT(overlapping)
One more cache in 2012 now
One more 'fore the year is done
We'll be ready for these caches
THENARDIERS(overlapping)
Watch 'em run around
Watch 'em as they fall
Never know your ground
After a huge snowfall!
VALJEAN
Tomorrow we'll be far away,
Tomorrow is a caching day
ALL
Tomorrow we'll discover
What CT Reviewer has in store!
One more dawn
One more cache
One cache more!
Always
There is an awesome series of caches hidden out toward Greenwich which are related to Harry Potter. The cache owner drew in parallels from the story yet kept it very original. It was a 7+1 series; you had to solve 7 of them to complete the series with an 8th cache available as a bonus. SiNwYrM and I found the seven but were unable to get to the 8th cache despite seeing it clear as day in its hiding spot. Because the series was epic, I felt I had to respond in kind. The following was written in eight installments, one for each cache in the series.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Firstly, I would like to thank you for your response to my recent inquiry. I have heard plenty of good things about your school from my wizard friends. I believed from a young age that I would be a wizard as well and looked forward to having my hopes confirmed. Many strange things happened around me as a toddler and beyond such as balloons popping randomly near other kids, scaring them half to death, as I stared at the balloons. I stayed up all night before my 11th birthday waiting for the letter to arrive. The grandfather clock down the hall ticked away each second as I absentmindedly held my breath listening for an owl. I waited and I waited and I waited. The sun came up and there wasn’t a peep from the birds outside my window. I cried for hours and my parents did not know why. How could I have been so wrong for so long? Even during my teenage years, as I entered puberty, random things would happen when I was upset or feeling emotionally off-kilter. Footballs imploded, random bursts of winds would blow up girls’ skirts (OK, I‘ll admit I kinda enjoyed that part), books would disappear after just having been set on a table … everything felt so strange but I couldn’t go explain it to my muggle friends.
I think the event that most affected me was when I visited Diagon Alley with some friends of mine. Unlike most muggles in my neighborhood, I was not ignorant of the abilities of certain segments of our citizenry. I was walking past Ollivander’s when I felt a pull. When I went inside, Mr.Ollivander noted a certain attraction between me and a wand (8 inches, hard cedar with hippogriff tail). However, as I was now an adult and having never attended any school of magic or even performed a single magical act intentionally, this made no sense whatsoever. I’m not even a Squib as my parents are muggles. Anyway, I left the store with a nagging sensation that I was missing something very important.
Let’s move ahead to the current day. As you are obviously aware, I sent you a letter last week inquiring whether Hogwarts administrations had ever erred when considering admissions. To be more specific, were any children ever admitted to Hogwarts who turned out to be muggles or were any magical children believed to be muggles ever excluded from Hogwarts. Imagine the surprise when, shortly after sending off my inquiry to you, an owl came down my chimney with a note. It was not a graceful entrance by any means, mind you. I read the note and I was speechless. I held in my hands my acceptance letter to Hogwarts! It was dated March 31, 1987! I must say that your postal delivery rivals ours in efficiency. I regret that, while I definitely need lessons in the art of wizardry, I must decline your invitation as I am much too old now to deal with the dormitory experience compared to the rest of your student body. I do request, however, a visit with the Sorting Hat as I’d like to hire a tutor from an appropriate house. Also, I suggest you please not use Errol to send any further acceptance letters to children. Not unless Professor Trelawney can predict where future students will be 30 years from now.
Most sincerely yours,
Novus Misericordia
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Thank you for allowing me to visit with the Sorting Hat. My wife correctly guessed that I would have been placed in Ravenclaw. Based on my luck, I thought Slytherin would have been my lot. I was fortunate enough, however, to meet with a former Ravenclaw professor who was able to catch me up on what I would have learned during my Hogwarts years. I was slightly alarmed by some of the magical creatures I was shown. What IS a nargle, anyway?
As Mrs. Scamander, nee Lovegood, was teaching me how to perform a powerful Patronus spell back in June 2012, I received an owl from Harry Potter. It appears my tutor has been chatting me up amongst her friends and Mr. Potter felt I would benefit greatly from an adventure where I could practice my newly-developed magical skills. He would also be able to take advantage of some free time that had come his wife’s way and take a quiet sojourn away from the hustle and bustle of London. I believe he mentioned Albania.
Now, obviously, I could not disregard this invitation from Mr. Potter; opportunities like this do not pop up in my life, or in most people’s lives, very often. After asking Luna about what I should anticipate from my trip to America (she’s graciously allowed me to call her Luna since our classes were now over). She told me they had funny accents which they were too self-involved to notice themselves, the food would be equal to or better than British cuisine, and the nargle infestation where I was headed was much worse than anything in western Europe.
With that very useful knowledged tucked away in my head, I set off for New York and then for Connecticut. It seemed like a nice place overall until I entered those woods. I have never seen a sky darken so quickly in my life. I wandered off the trail as I am wont to do, particularly so as that is how Luna taught me to find most of her favorite animals and plants. I found myself walking along a brook before reaching the spot where Mr. Potter had indicated I should go. Having heard his story (and, frankly, who hasn’t?), I was able to retrieve another person’s memory. I expected a boring tale with a lesson or pedantic experience … I was dreadfully wrong. The things I saw in that memory are too terrible to recount. I say this with all due respect to you as I know you have seen grotesque events during the two Great Wizarding Wars.
I was stunned and did not know how to proceed. I then thought of Mr. Potter and how he had entrusted me with this task. He must have known what I would encounter and he felt I would be able to follow through and discover whatever it was at the end. I gathered my wits and every ounce of bravery I had in me and sought out a box I noted in the memory.
The trek was quite arduous. I mentally thanked Luna for preparing me for this trip as I bushwhacked through thickets and marshes, over hills and through thick, thorny branches. After several hours, I was exhausted and sat down for a short rest (and perhaps a nap). As I was about to lay my head down, I noted a sparkle nearby. It was a diaphanous rabbit which I quickly determined to be Luna’s patronus! The rabbit darted into a hole and disappeared. I got up with weary legs and made my way over to the hole hoping I wouldn’t be pulled into a strange wonderland with mad hatters and talking caterpillars. Fortunately for me, I found the very box I had been seeking. After wracking my brain trying to recall what I had seen in the memory, I remembered a word I saw on the cover of a spell book tucked away in the corner of a room but slightly askew. On a lark, I tried repeating the word as if it were a spell. After 10 minutes, it finally worked. Magic sure is dependent on stressing the right syllable… The box opened and I realized I had yet more work ahead of me. I sure hope Mr. Potter has assessed my skills adequately…
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
After reflecting on what my plan of attack should be, I decided to finally get some sleep. I hadn’t realized how tired I was since flying over from London and apparating in Connecticut. I doubt I was awake more than a couple of minutes before I started snoring away in my little cove. It was then that I had the strangest dream. I felt as if I was in an underground chamber of some type. I was being chased by some large snake-like creature and a horned-tail dragon. As I reached a sink, they turned into little trophies spewing blue fire. The fire was cool to the touch, though. When I woke up, I sent my owl, Eponine, to Luna with a note asking her what all this meant.
I set off for the center of the forest. There was no good reason for me to do so. I merely surmised that if there was some danger or test for me to face, it would be placed there just to make me work for it. I later found this theory to be a good one but … all in due time.
This forest is enormous, by the way. That or it is enchanted in some way to look and feel extremely large. I trudged onward along the meandering trails searching for a sign or a landmark, anything that would give me a clue as to what I should do. I spent days in that forest. I think I did. The sky never changed while I was in there. It was just a dull gray with no change in sunlight or cloud cover. The paranoia began to creep in. I randomly cast “Revelio Hominem”spells whenever I saw the slightest movement in the trees. I almost hit poor Eponine upon her return when she startled me. Luna told me that sometimes a crumple-horned snorkack is just a crumple-horned snorkack. In other words, I would likely have to confront a creature soon and my brain was trying to process that impending danger in advance through my subconscious.
GREAT! I’m being sent into the interminable woods to fight a large creature with just my wand? What is the opposite of confundo because I just don’t get why I got chosen for this. I was mulling over all of the different reasons why I must be despised by some cruel deity when I heard it. What I saw simply can not be described in human words. It was evil and horrifying and large and grotesque and … none of these words are fit to properly describe it. Well, there is one word. Deaf. I was able to move around behind the creature and stay out of its sight. What a silver lining! I then saw a small chest almost directly under the creature. The Accio spell obviously didn’t work; that would be too simple. So I made a run for it and grabbed the box without alerting the creature. Unfortunately, a bird swooped by and directed the beast’s gaze right at me. Hey, did I mention I can’t apparate out of here? I ran. Like a flock of seagulls, I ran so far away but, then again, this forest is enchanted so I may have only moved a few yards. I gambled and yelled out the one word I knew in Parselmouth. The beast stopped. It looked quite confused. Then it came at me again. I guess it doesn’t understand parselmouth. After a few breathless minutes, I was able to find a cave large enough for me to crawl into but too small for the beast to get through. That’s where I spent the next 8 hours. I wa sitting in a small cave plotting my escape from my own self-selected tomb. Oh, to be back in Honeydukes again…
Novus Misericordia
Captain’s Log
Stardate 21114.3
We have traveled back in time to verify the timeline for Earth’s first spaceflight is still intact. Starfleet has received information indicating possible timeline contamination by the Romulans. Currently, we are in orbit over North America, more specifically, the area formerly known as Connecticut in the United States. While the timeline appears to still be as it was, our computer has spotted some anomalies on the planet. Events are occurring across western Europe and the northeastern US which do not seem to be explainable by current scientific conventions. While this confusion may occur when visiting new planets with new technologies, we are all quite dismayed at not being able to explain Terran behavior from 300 years ago. The anomaly seems to be centered over some woodland in southwestern CT. I have assigned Data to monitor this odd behavior and to keep me updated.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Obviously, I have made it out of the cave or you wouldn’t be reading about my adventures. I managed to escape my predicament with the help of one of your great former students. As I sat there in the cave, I thought I saw a glimmer deeper in the cave, as if someone had dematerialized from there. As I saw a ghost-like after-image, I realized I could send a cry for help out. Immediately, I sent out my patronus with a message to Luna. My patronus is a bookworm, by the way. It’s amusing to see a worm travel so quickly. Within minutes, I received a different reply from what I expected. If I recall correctly, Luna’s patronus is a hare. However, what came back was an otter. When the otter spoke, I heard Hermione Granger Weasley’s voice! (I heard her speak at an equal rights for magical creatures rally a few month ago.) It/she simply said, “I’ll take care of this,” and it flew out of the cave. I don’t know what the otter did but, a few moments later, I heard a loud crash and the beast was lying there unconscious. The otter then turned to me and said “’the Essex mock inners’ are great,” before evaporating. At least, that’s what it sounded like. I didn’t hang around to figure out what she said or did, I just got out of there.
I ran for about 10 minutes before looking back and seeing that everything was clear. I found a trail, eager to have some clearance ahead of me even if it was only 4 feet wide. I saw another glint but this time it didn’t belong to a box. I saw a ring hanging from a tree. I didn’t see any tell-tale signs of curses on it although I’m not really adept at noticing such things. The ring seemed quite ordinary, a small, golden circle. But it was precious. My precious. I grabbed the ring and suddenly began feeling very dizzy. I felt myself transported to another part of the forest. It seemed like the same forest given the clouds still hadn’t shifted in hours. That ring was a portkey! Unfortunately, I dropped the ring in the stream at my feet and couldn’t see it in all the mud. The stream was quite deep and wide in several spots. The gurgling of the water seemed to be taunting me as if it was saying I shall not pass. There was a trail on the other side of the stream and, considering I just got teleported here, it must be where I had to go next. Why couldn’t it have dumped me on the other side?!?!
Exasperated by my new environment, I tried to figure out the quickest and easiest way to cross the stream. Eventually, I decided to hex myself. I pointed my wand back at myself and, after taking a deep breath, cast an Impedimenta spell at myself. That hurt. The blast from my wand hit me square in the chest and threw me across the river with such a force that I almost dropped the wand and I landed against a tree unconscious.
So, are things quiet at Hogwarts? :)
Novus Misericordia
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
I apologize for not being able to relate this saga of mine in one fell swoop. For medical reasons, I am only allowed to write for a certain amount of time. I could use one of Rita Skeeter’s pens but I’ve heard they’re not quite reliable when you want the truth to come out. While my story may seem quite unbelievable right now, I solemnly swear to only recount the truth.
When I last wrote to you, I told you I had been laying unconscious by a tree after hexing myself. When I woke up, I saw two huge eyes staring at me. I let out a short scream in shock before the creature with the large eyes ran to a tree and starting ramming its head against it. I’d heard what that action meant. I immediately asked the creature to stop beating itself up and what its name was. She said it was Winky. Ron Weasley had asked her to check on me when he heard about my earlier adventures and Hermione’s assistance. After that, she didn’t say much. There was some mumbling about being a free elf and how that just wasn’t right. While she really wasn’t of much help, it was nice to have some company along.
As we made our way toward what we thought was the center of the woods, we came upon a fork in the road. I told Winky to leave the fork where it was as it would likely be a portkey. However, she gave me a strange look and shouted “CITO!” and grabbed the fork. She disappeared after that. It was indeed a portkey and I was alone again. Figuring her elf magic would protect her more than I ever could, I forged onward hoping she would be okay.
I hopped across a couple of small streams before everything went black. It was as if someone had dropped a large Peruvian floo-powder bomb. I got down on my knees and crawled approximately in the same direction I had been traveling in. I groped for purchase and, after about a couple of miles of skinning my knees and bumping my head on low branches, it suddenly got very bright and my destination was now clear. However, just as things were becoming lucid, it all suddenly flipped upside down. I think I may be sick.
Captain’s Log
Stardate 21122.4
Data has informed me that the man we have been tracking nearly wandered his way toward where we landed. As the people from Earth have not yet discovered warp technology, we felt it was best to redirect the man away from the Enterprise. Unfortunately, we had to somewhat violate the Prime Directive and temporarily blind the gentleman. We then used the tractor beam on a very light setting to repel him away from our location. For now, it seems our observation post was not noticed and we may proceed with our investigation.
Ship’s Log
Stardate 21122.7
Ensign Wesley Crusher here. Lieutenant Commander Data was called away to Engineering to assist Lieutenant Commander LaForge with the antimatter containment field. Data asked me to take over the transporter beam and nudge the human who was being monitored away from our ship. Unfortunately, my hand slipped when I heard my mother enter the room. The power to the beam spiked and the man was sent flying out into a clearing. He seems to be unhurt but he may be dizzy and/or confused for a while. Captain Picard was not pleased with my actions but Mom, er, Doctor Crusher was able to smooth things over. Obviously, Lt. Cmdr. Data has resumed his post.
Dear St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries
I am currently in the United States, Connecticut to be exact, and several magical events have occurred which may be impacting my mental and physical wellbeing. So far I have been attacked by a large beast, been catapulted twice, blinded and overall just psychologically beaten by this quest for … I have no idea what for. If I make it out alive, please perform an evaluation on me and let Headmistress McGonagall and Mrs. Scamander the results. They’ll know what to do.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Yes, I did send St. Mungo’s a note regarding my potential admission. Having recently only become a true wizard, I have been through quite an ordeal. True, it’s nothing like what happened to the class of 1999 but nothing will ever be like that ever again. After the most recent event where I was propelled like a projectile, I briefly saw a castle in the middle of the woods. What followed was double vision and, when you’re surrounded by lots of strange trees, having the number of them double is not helpful by any means.
I stumbled along in a general direction. I no longer had any idea where I was headed, as if I had been confunded by three people at once. I was tired and hungry and, worst of all, I hadn’t felt so alone in years. I ate a few berries out of desperation which tasted awful yet it cleared my double vision. Now I could see that I was … still lost. Then I heard a rustling in the trees. I ran toward the noise to see if it was animal I could hunt down for food. After nearly twisting my ankle and crashing through bramble and briar, I found Winky. She was stuttering and sputtering as she pointed to a castle in the distance. I followed her along a small path which seemed to spiral toward the huge structure. Her whimpering was quite distracting, too much so. We were about 200 feet away when I stopped and took a good look at the castle. Something did not seem right. I picked up a sharp rock and I threw it as hard as I could at the walls. Winky let out a shriek as she had not expected my action. The rock ripped a hole through the wall. Yes, the whole thing was fake. It was only a model.
When I turned to look at Winky, she tried to jinx me saying she wanted to turn me into a duck. I ducked as I tried to tell her I was not a witch! I hit her with a stunning spell and she fell over unconscious. I checked for a pulse and determined she wasn’t dead yet. In fact, she was getting much better. After seeing she was only mostly dead, I went through her pockets to look for loose change. After propping her up against a tree and telling her I wouldn’t envy the headache she’d have when she woke up, I headed north. No real reason why, I just felt whatever I was looking for would be due north. I just hope this all ends soon.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
As stated before, I apologize for fragmenting my story but St. Mungo's only allows me so much time to write each day.
I was headed north along a path in the woods when I came upon a strange sight. There was a man in the middle of a glade cackling away and firing hexes at trees. I got behind one of those trees and called out to him. He dove to the ground and began looking to and fro as if he was being pursued. I yelled at him not to worry; I came as a friend. I thought I saw a glimpse of recognition in his visage as he stood up. He then said something which surprised me more than anything else has in these odd environs. He said my name. “Novus, it has been too long, how have you been?” I replied that I’d been fine up until a few days ago. I also asked how he knew my name. “Ahh, yes, you were too young, too young indeed when you last saw me. My name, dear sir, is Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, third class. Would you like my autograph? I’d have to find a picture first. Haven’t seen many of those around here…” I replied, “No, thank you, sir, that would be quite alright. I need to figure out why I’m here and, while your signature would be a conversation starter elsewhere, it is not likely to help me with my dilemma.”
I’d heard of Mr. Lockhart’s erratic and somewhat unethical past from the various histories of Mr. Potter’s life. Well, those not written by Rita Skeeter anyway. The man looked at me with a very hurt look and asked, “Why do you call me ‘sir?’ Novus, I am your father.” He was my, wait, what? With a huge grin and open arms, he said, “Please, call me Dad!” Well, my response was obvious. (http://youtu.be/cbeR6uYxU50 )
He then began to cackle and said he wasn’t really my father. He was only my father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. When I asked him what that made us, he said nothing. He just stared at the sky. After getting up off the ground from my fetal position, I remembered that Professor Lockhart had been in St. Mungo’s. While I had no idea how he had gotten here, I must have been sent to retrieve him.
I asked Professor Lockhart for his autograph as a ruse. As he hunted around for a photo, I stunned him with the body-bind curse. Sure, he could no longer move but he was heavy. It was a while before I realized Levicorpus would make things easier. I then had him float through the woods, accidentally bumping his head on various trees, as we made the long walk back. Winky was no longer where I had left her and I didn’t worry about her a bit. She needed to go to St. Mungo’s as well but someone else can come to collect her. Once I made it out of the woods, I apparated to an airport in NY (with Prof. Lockhart in the luggage area). Shortly thereafter, we were back in London and at St. Mungo’s.
I forgot about the letter. After expressing their thanks for returning the professor, they shoved me into an exam room. After being poked and prodded by items I’d rather not recall, I was visited by Mr. Potter himself! He apologized for all of the extra hassle; he’d expected it to go rather easily. The goal really was just to bring back the professor as he was in his current state somewhat indirectly due to Harry. Harry and Ron tended to keep an eye on him ever since.
Having survived that infernal forest, Harry offered me a position in the MoM in either the Portkey Office or the Floo Network Authority. I have yet to decide. For now, I must wait out my time here in observation. While the travails I encountered in that forest aren’t exactly pleasant, it is good to know that there are many people out there who will help me even if I haven’t met them. I believe this sense of family was fostered at your school and for that I commend you. But, please, don’t use Errol as a messenger ever again.
Novus Misercordia
Epilogue:
Captain's Log
Stardate 21135.9
We have observed this human for over a week and have determined the timeline has indeed been tampered with. Certain Terrans have gained an ability to teleport across short distances and have developed a rudimentary replicator technology. However, they have not developed warp technology. Weather control has been established as well as contact with creatures which did not evolve naturally on this planet. While the humans' lives have been altered by the introduction to advanced technology, it does appear as if the mischief has been managed. We'll have to report all of this back to Starfleet. But first, we have to rendezvous with Captains Sisko and Janeway over at Deep Space Nine. In the meantime, I'll get back to my new hobby, embroidery. Unfortunately, one of the machines I tend to favor has gone into disrepair. I have not figured out how to make it sew.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Firstly, I would like to thank you for your response to my recent inquiry. I have heard plenty of good things about your school from my wizard friends. I believed from a young age that I would be a wizard as well and looked forward to having my hopes confirmed. Many strange things happened around me as a toddler and beyond such as balloons popping randomly near other kids, scaring them half to death, as I stared at the balloons. I stayed up all night before my 11th birthday waiting for the letter to arrive. The grandfather clock down the hall ticked away each second as I absentmindedly held my breath listening for an owl. I waited and I waited and I waited. The sun came up and there wasn’t a peep from the birds outside my window. I cried for hours and my parents did not know why. How could I have been so wrong for so long? Even during my teenage years, as I entered puberty, random things would happen when I was upset or feeling emotionally off-kilter. Footballs imploded, random bursts of winds would blow up girls’ skirts (OK, I‘ll admit I kinda enjoyed that part), books would disappear after just having been set on a table … everything felt so strange but I couldn’t go explain it to my muggle friends.
I think the event that most affected me was when I visited Diagon Alley with some friends of mine. Unlike most muggles in my neighborhood, I was not ignorant of the abilities of certain segments of our citizenry. I was walking past Ollivander’s when I felt a pull. When I went inside, Mr.Ollivander noted a certain attraction between me and a wand (8 inches, hard cedar with hippogriff tail). However, as I was now an adult and having never attended any school of magic or even performed a single magical act intentionally, this made no sense whatsoever. I’m not even a Squib as my parents are muggles. Anyway, I left the store with a nagging sensation that I was missing something very important.
Let’s move ahead to the current day. As you are obviously aware, I sent you a letter last week inquiring whether Hogwarts administrations had ever erred when considering admissions. To be more specific, were any children ever admitted to Hogwarts who turned out to be muggles or were any magical children believed to be muggles ever excluded from Hogwarts. Imagine the surprise when, shortly after sending off my inquiry to you, an owl came down my chimney with a note. It was not a graceful entrance by any means, mind you. I read the note and I was speechless. I held in my hands my acceptance letter to Hogwarts! It was dated March 31, 1987! I must say that your postal delivery rivals ours in efficiency. I regret that, while I definitely need lessons in the art of wizardry, I must decline your invitation as I am much too old now to deal with the dormitory experience compared to the rest of your student body. I do request, however, a visit with the Sorting Hat as I’d like to hire a tutor from an appropriate house. Also, I suggest you please not use Errol to send any further acceptance letters to children. Not unless Professor Trelawney can predict where future students will be 30 years from now.
Most sincerely yours,
Novus Misericordia
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Thank you for allowing me to visit with the Sorting Hat. My wife correctly guessed that I would have been placed in Ravenclaw. Based on my luck, I thought Slytherin would have been my lot. I was fortunate enough, however, to meet with a former Ravenclaw professor who was able to catch me up on what I would have learned during my Hogwarts years. I was slightly alarmed by some of the magical creatures I was shown. What IS a nargle, anyway?
As Mrs. Scamander, nee Lovegood, was teaching me how to perform a powerful Patronus spell back in June 2012, I received an owl from Harry Potter. It appears my tutor has been chatting me up amongst her friends and Mr. Potter felt I would benefit greatly from an adventure where I could practice my newly-developed magical skills. He would also be able to take advantage of some free time that had come his wife’s way and take a quiet sojourn away from the hustle and bustle of London. I believe he mentioned Albania.
Now, obviously, I could not disregard this invitation from Mr. Potter; opportunities like this do not pop up in my life, or in most people’s lives, very often. After asking Luna about what I should anticipate from my trip to America (she’s graciously allowed me to call her Luna since our classes were now over). She told me they had funny accents which they were too self-involved to notice themselves, the food would be equal to or better than British cuisine, and the nargle infestation where I was headed was much worse than anything in western Europe.
With that very useful knowledged tucked away in my head, I set off for New York and then for Connecticut. It seemed like a nice place overall until I entered those woods. I have never seen a sky darken so quickly in my life. I wandered off the trail as I am wont to do, particularly so as that is how Luna taught me to find most of her favorite animals and plants. I found myself walking along a brook before reaching the spot where Mr. Potter had indicated I should go. Having heard his story (and, frankly, who hasn’t?), I was able to retrieve another person’s memory. I expected a boring tale with a lesson or pedantic experience … I was dreadfully wrong. The things I saw in that memory are too terrible to recount. I say this with all due respect to you as I know you have seen grotesque events during the two Great Wizarding Wars.
I was stunned and did not know how to proceed. I then thought of Mr. Potter and how he had entrusted me with this task. He must have known what I would encounter and he felt I would be able to follow through and discover whatever it was at the end. I gathered my wits and every ounce of bravery I had in me and sought out a box I noted in the memory.
The trek was quite arduous. I mentally thanked Luna for preparing me for this trip as I bushwhacked through thickets and marshes, over hills and through thick, thorny branches. After several hours, I was exhausted and sat down for a short rest (and perhaps a nap). As I was about to lay my head down, I noted a sparkle nearby. It was a diaphanous rabbit which I quickly determined to be Luna’s patronus! The rabbit darted into a hole and disappeared. I got up with weary legs and made my way over to the hole hoping I wouldn’t be pulled into a strange wonderland with mad hatters and talking caterpillars. Fortunately for me, I found the very box I had been seeking. After wracking my brain trying to recall what I had seen in the memory, I remembered a word I saw on the cover of a spell book tucked away in the corner of a room but slightly askew. On a lark, I tried repeating the word as if it were a spell. After 10 minutes, it finally worked. Magic sure is dependent on stressing the right syllable… The box opened and I realized I had yet more work ahead of me. I sure hope Mr. Potter has assessed my skills adequately…
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
After reflecting on what my plan of attack should be, I decided to finally get some sleep. I hadn’t realized how tired I was since flying over from London and apparating in Connecticut. I doubt I was awake more than a couple of minutes before I started snoring away in my little cove. It was then that I had the strangest dream. I felt as if I was in an underground chamber of some type. I was being chased by some large snake-like creature and a horned-tail dragon. As I reached a sink, they turned into little trophies spewing blue fire. The fire was cool to the touch, though. When I woke up, I sent my owl, Eponine, to Luna with a note asking her what all this meant.
I set off for the center of the forest. There was no good reason for me to do so. I merely surmised that if there was some danger or test for me to face, it would be placed there just to make me work for it. I later found this theory to be a good one but … all in due time.
This forest is enormous, by the way. That or it is enchanted in some way to look and feel extremely large. I trudged onward along the meandering trails searching for a sign or a landmark, anything that would give me a clue as to what I should do. I spent days in that forest. I think I did. The sky never changed while I was in there. It was just a dull gray with no change in sunlight or cloud cover. The paranoia began to creep in. I randomly cast “Revelio Hominem”spells whenever I saw the slightest movement in the trees. I almost hit poor Eponine upon her return when she startled me. Luna told me that sometimes a crumple-horned snorkack is just a crumple-horned snorkack. In other words, I would likely have to confront a creature soon and my brain was trying to process that impending danger in advance through my subconscious.
GREAT! I’m being sent into the interminable woods to fight a large creature with just my wand? What is the opposite of confundo because I just don’t get why I got chosen for this. I was mulling over all of the different reasons why I must be despised by some cruel deity when I heard it. What I saw simply can not be described in human words. It was evil and horrifying and large and grotesque and … none of these words are fit to properly describe it. Well, there is one word. Deaf. I was able to move around behind the creature and stay out of its sight. What a silver lining! I then saw a small chest almost directly under the creature. The Accio spell obviously didn’t work; that would be too simple. So I made a run for it and grabbed the box without alerting the creature. Unfortunately, a bird swooped by and directed the beast’s gaze right at me. Hey, did I mention I can’t apparate out of here? I ran. Like a flock of seagulls, I ran so far away but, then again, this forest is enchanted so I may have only moved a few yards. I gambled and yelled out the one word I knew in Parselmouth. The beast stopped. It looked quite confused. Then it came at me again. I guess it doesn’t understand parselmouth. After a few breathless minutes, I was able to find a cave large enough for me to crawl into but too small for the beast to get through. That’s where I spent the next 8 hours. I wa sitting in a small cave plotting my escape from my own self-selected tomb. Oh, to be back in Honeydukes again…
Novus Misericordia
Captain’s Log
Stardate 21114.3
We have traveled back in time to verify the timeline for Earth’s first spaceflight is still intact. Starfleet has received information indicating possible timeline contamination by the Romulans. Currently, we are in orbit over North America, more specifically, the area formerly known as Connecticut in the United States. While the timeline appears to still be as it was, our computer has spotted some anomalies on the planet. Events are occurring across western Europe and the northeastern US which do not seem to be explainable by current scientific conventions. While this confusion may occur when visiting new planets with new technologies, we are all quite dismayed at not being able to explain Terran behavior from 300 years ago. The anomaly seems to be centered over some woodland in southwestern CT. I have assigned Data to monitor this odd behavior and to keep me updated.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Obviously, I have made it out of the cave or you wouldn’t be reading about my adventures. I managed to escape my predicament with the help of one of your great former students. As I sat there in the cave, I thought I saw a glimmer deeper in the cave, as if someone had dematerialized from there. As I saw a ghost-like after-image, I realized I could send a cry for help out. Immediately, I sent out my patronus with a message to Luna. My patronus is a bookworm, by the way. It’s amusing to see a worm travel so quickly. Within minutes, I received a different reply from what I expected. If I recall correctly, Luna’s patronus is a hare. However, what came back was an otter. When the otter spoke, I heard Hermione Granger Weasley’s voice! (I heard her speak at an equal rights for magical creatures rally a few month ago.) It/she simply said, “I’ll take care of this,” and it flew out of the cave. I don’t know what the otter did but, a few moments later, I heard a loud crash and the beast was lying there unconscious. The otter then turned to me and said “’the Essex mock inners’ are great,” before evaporating. At least, that’s what it sounded like. I didn’t hang around to figure out what she said or did, I just got out of there.
I ran for about 10 minutes before looking back and seeing that everything was clear. I found a trail, eager to have some clearance ahead of me even if it was only 4 feet wide. I saw another glint but this time it didn’t belong to a box. I saw a ring hanging from a tree. I didn’t see any tell-tale signs of curses on it although I’m not really adept at noticing such things. The ring seemed quite ordinary, a small, golden circle. But it was precious. My precious. I grabbed the ring and suddenly began feeling very dizzy. I felt myself transported to another part of the forest. It seemed like the same forest given the clouds still hadn’t shifted in hours. That ring was a portkey! Unfortunately, I dropped the ring in the stream at my feet and couldn’t see it in all the mud. The stream was quite deep and wide in several spots. The gurgling of the water seemed to be taunting me as if it was saying I shall not pass. There was a trail on the other side of the stream and, considering I just got teleported here, it must be where I had to go next. Why couldn’t it have dumped me on the other side?!?!
Exasperated by my new environment, I tried to figure out the quickest and easiest way to cross the stream. Eventually, I decided to hex myself. I pointed my wand back at myself and, after taking a deep breath, cast an Impedimenta spell at myself. That hurt. The blast from my wand hit me square in the chest and threw me across the river with such a force that I almost dropped the wand and I landed against a tree unconscious.
So, are things quiet at Hogwarts? :)
Novus Misericordia
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
I apologize for not being able to relate this saga of mine in one fell swoop. For medical reasons, I am only allowed to write for a certain amount of time. I could use one of Rita Skeeter’s pens but I’ve heard they’re not quite reliable when you want the truth to come out. While my story may seem quite unbelievable right now, I solemnly swear to only recount the truth.
When I last wrote to you, I told you I had been laying unconscious by a tree after hexing myself. When I woke up, I saw two huge eyes staring at me. I let out a short scream in shock before the creature with the large eyes ran to a tree and starting ramming its head against it. I’d heard what that action meant. I immediately asked the creature to stop beating itself up and what its name was. She said it was Winky. Ron Weasley had asked her to check on me when he heard about my earlier adventures and Hermione’s assistance. After that, she didn’t say much. There was some mumbling about being a free elf and how that just wasn’t right. While she really wasn’t of much help, it was nice to have some company along.
As we made our way toward what we thought was the center of the woods, we came upon a fork in the road. I told Winky to leave the fork where it was as it would likely be a portkey. However, she gave me a strange look and shouted “CITO!” and grabbed the fork. She disappeared after that. It was indeed a portkey and I was alone again. Figuring her elf magic would protect her more than I ever could, I forged onward hoping she would be okay.
I hopped across a couple of small streams before everything went black. It was as if someone had dropped a large Peruvian floo-powder bomb. I got down on my knees and crawled approximately in the same direction I had been traveling in. I groped for purchase and, after about a couple of miles of skinning my knees and bumping my head on low branches, it suddenly got very bright and my destination was now clear. However, just as things were becoming lucid, it all suddenly flipped upside down. I think I may be sick.
Captain’s Log
Stardate 21122.4
Data has informed me that the man we have been tracking nearly wandered his way toward where we landed. As the people from Earth have not yet discovered warp technology, we felt it was best to redirect the man away from the Enterprise. Unfortunately, we had to somewhat violate the Prime Directive and temporarily blind the gentleman. We then used the tractor beam on a very light setting to repel him away from our location. For now, it seems our observation post was not noticed and we may proceed with our investigation.
Ship’s Log
Stardate 21122.7
Ensign Wesley Crusher here. Lieutenant Commander Data was called away to Engineering to assist Lieutenant Commander LaForge with the antimatter containment field. Data asked me to take over the transporter beam and nudge the human who was being monitored away from our ship. Unfortunately, my hand slipped when I heard my mother enter the room. The power to the beam spiked and the man was sent flying out into a clearing. He seems to be unhurt but he may be dizzy and/or confused for a while. Captain Picard was not pleased with my actions but Mom, er, Doctor Crusher was able to smooth things over. Obviously, Lt. Cmdr. Data has resumed his post.
Dear St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries
I am currently in the United States, Connecticut to be exact, and several magical events have occurred which may be impacting my mental and physical wellbeing. So far I have been attacked by a large beast, been catapulted twice, blinded and overall just psychologically beaten by this quest for … I have no idea what for. If I make it out alive, please perform an evaluation on me and let Headmistress McGonagall and Mrs. Scamander the results. They’ll know what to do.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
Yes, I did send St. Mungo’s a note regarding my potential admission. Having recently only become a true wizard, I have been through quite an ordeal. True, it’s nothing like what happened to the class of 1999 but nothing will ever be like that ever again. After the most recent event where I was propelled like a projectile, I briefly saw a castle in the middle of the woods. What followed was double vision and, when you’re surrounded by lots of strange trees, having the number of them double is not helpful by any means.
I stumbled along in a general direction. I no longer had any idea where I was headed, as if I had been confunded by three people at once. I was tired and hungry and, worst of all, I hadn’t felt so alone in years. I ate a few berries out of desperation which tasted awful yet it cleared my double vision. Now I could see that I was … still lost. Then I heard a rustling in the trees. I ran toward the noise to see if it was animal I could hunt down for food. After nearly twisting my ankle and crashing through bramble and briar, I found Winky. She was stuttering and sputtering as she pointed to a castle in the distance. I followed her along a small path which seemed to spiral toward the huge structure. Her whimpering was quite distracting, too much so. We were about 200 feet away when I stopped and took a good look at the castle. Something did not seem right. I picked up a sharp rock and I threw it as hard as I could at the walls. Winky let out a shriek as she had not expected my action. The rock ripped a hole through the wall. Yes, the whole thing was fake. It was only a model.
When I turned to look at Winky, she tried to jinx me saying she wanted to turn me into a duck. I ducked as I tried to tell her I was not a witch! I hit her with a stunning spell and she fell over unconscious. I checked for a pulse and determined she wasn’t dead yet. In fact, she was getting much better. After seeing she was only mostly dead, I went through her pockets to look for loose change. After propping her up against a tree and telling her I wouldn’t envy the headache she’d have when she woke up, I headed north. No real reason why, I just felt whatever I was looking for would be due north. I just hope this all ends soon.
Dear Headmistress McGonagall,
As stated before, I apologize for fragmenting my story but St. Mungo's only allows me so much time to write each day.
I was headed north along a path in the woods when I came upon a strange sight. There was a man in the middle of a glade cackling away and firing hexes at trees. I got behind one of those trees and called out to him. He dove to the ground and began looking to and fro as if he was being pursued. I yelled at him not to worry; I came as a friend. I thought I saw a glimpse of recognition in his visage as he stood up. He then said something which surprised me more than anything else has in these odd environs. He said my name. “Novus, it has been too long, how have you been?” I replied that I’d been fine up until a few days ago. I also asked how he knew my name. “Ahh, yes, you were too young, too young indeed when you last saw me. My name, dear sir, is Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, third class. Would you like my autograph? I’d have to find a picture first. Haven’t seen many of those around here…” I replied, “No, thank you, sir, that would be quite alright. I need to figure out why I’m here and, while your signature would be a conversation starter elsewhere, it is not likely to help me with my dilemma.”
I’d heard of Mr. Lockhart’s erratic and somewhat unethical past from the various histories of Mr. Potter’s life. Well, those not written by Rita Skeeter anyway. The man looked at me with a very hurt look and asked, “Why do you call me ‘sir?’ Novus, I am your father.” He was my, wait, what? With a huge grin and open arms, he said, “Please, call me Dad!” Well, my response was obvious. (http://youtu.be/cbeR6uYxU50 )
He then began to cackle and said he wasn’t really my father. He was only my father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. When I asked him what that made us, he said nothing. He just stared at the sky. After getting up off the ground from my fetal position, I remembered that Professor Lockhart had been in St. Mungo’s. While I had no idea how he had gotten here, I must have been sent to retrieve him.
I asked Professor Lockhart for his autograph as a ruse. As he hunted around for a photo, I stunned him with the body-bind curse. Sure, he could no longer move but he was heavy. It was a while before I realized Levicorpus would make things easier. I then had him float through the woods, accidentally bumping his head on various trees, as we made the long walk back. Winky was no longer where I had left her and I didn’t worry about her a bit. She needed to go to St. Mungo’s as well but someone else can come to collect her. Once I made it out of the woods, I apparated to an airport in NY (with Prof. Lockhart in the luggage area). Shortly thereafter, we were back in London and at St. Mungo’s.
I forgot about the letter. After expressing their thanks for returning the professor, they shoved me into an exam room. After being poked and prodded by items I’d rather not recall, I was visited by Mr. Potter himself! He apologized for all of the extra hassle; he’d expected it to go rather easily. The goal really was just to bring back the professor as he was in his current state somewhat indirectly due to Harry. Harry and Ron tended to keep an eye on him ever since.
Having survived that infernal forest, Harry offered me a position in the MoM in either the Portkey Office or the Floo Network Authority. I have yet to decide. For now, I must wait out my time here in observation. While the travails I encountered in that forest aren’t exactly pleasant, it is good to know that there are many people out there who will help me even if I haven’t met them. I believe this sense of family was fostered at your school and for that I commend you. But, please, don’t use Errol as a messenger ever again.
Novus Misercordia
Epilogue:
Captain's Log
Stardate 21135.9
We have observed this human for over a week and have determined the timeline has indeed been tampered with. Certain Terrans have gained an ability to teleport across short distances and have developed a rudimentary replicator technology. However, they have not developed warp technology. Weather control has been established as well as contact with creatures which did not evolve naturally on this planet. While the humans' lives have been altered by the introduction to advanced technology, it does appear as if the mischief has been managed. We'll have to report all of this back to Starfleet. But first, we have to rendezvous with Captains Sisko and Janeway over at Deep Space Nine. In the meantime, I'll get back to my new hobby, embroidery. Unfortunately, one of the machines I tend to favor has gone into disrepair. I have not figured out how to make it sew.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)